Entrustment Ceremonies

The Entrustment Ceremony, perhaps the only ritual that is exclusive to adoption, is usually defined as the ritual where the parental role is transferred from the birthparents to the adoptive parents. Birthparents entrust the life of their child into the hands of the adoptive parents, often by physically placing the child in the adoptive parents arms. In "The Open Adoption Experience, Sharon and Lois Melina write: "Rituals are needed in adoption because adoption creates new relationships, and new family units. In open adoption, where the birthparents will remain involved with the child, the change of roles must be clearly understood by everyone. Further more, because adoption is often a bittersweet experience, rituals help people express their emotions and help them heal."

Sharon and Lois are making two points here. One, that entrustment ceremonies signify the transfer of parental roles. Two, and equally important, that they signify the creation of new family units. New relationships.....BLENDED families.

There is no doubt in my mind that the loss of the birthparents parental role needs to be recognized in a formal way. It is a huge loss. It is also important to recognize that parental roles are transferred. To acknowledge that this is a turning point for the adoptive parents as well. But when it stops there, as entrustment ceremonies often do, they take on a sacrificial quality that I find disturbing. The birthparent GIVING the Child. It rings of emptiness for the birthfamily.....empty arms, a void. As if their job is over, as if they no longer have a role in the child's life.

That birthparents lose their role as parents, is indisputable. At the same time, however, they take on their new role as birthparents.....and important role that requires commitment. In the same vein, adoptive parents, not only take on the awesome responsibility of daily parenting, but they are also committing themselves to nurture their relationship with their child's birthparents.

I go back again and again to Sharon and Lois's analogy, they state: "In practice, the relationship in open adoption is comparable to that between in-laws. Very often people do not meet their in-laws until after they have decided to get married. They meet with the understanding that they will be entering into a long term relationship primarily because they both love and are concerned for the well-being of the same person."

This being the case, it makes sense to make our commitments to each other in a formal, public manner. No where have i seen a better written piece that does this than Jim Gritter's Our Understanding of Open adoption. This beautiful document captures the covenantal nature of open adoption relationships, and was specifically written for use in entrustment ceremonies.

It is also important in entrustment ceremonies to acknowledge the significant others in the relationship. This especially true if the adoptive parents or birthparents have other children. A beautiful example of this is an entrustment ceremony that my friend, Patience, had. She was placing her fourth son with his adoptive parents and their son, Travis. At what she thought to be the end of the entrustment ceremony, the adoptive father brought all the boys together and did a sort of ceremony called The Blood Brothers of The Sacred Canoe. First, he gave each boy an arrowhead necklace to symbolize their commitment to each other. Taking a red, felt tip pen, he placed a red line on the palm of each boys hand. Laying their hands one on top of the other he told them they were blood brothers of the sacred canoe and that when one of the brothers are in need they would come together and do what is best for the group.

Entrustment ceremonies, in order to be complete, need to have this element of people committing to each other on behalf of the child. Who ever is involved.

- Brenda Romanchik

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