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More than a Birthmother

My two-and-a-half-year-old birthdaughter, Zoë, whom I placed in an open adoption, is just beginning to comprehend the concept of adoption. Her six-year-old brother, David, who was also adopted, is doing his best to teach her. David will go through photo albums and scrapbooks with Zoë and "quiz" her on who is in each photo. In efforts to get her to say, "birthmother," he will point to a picture of me and if Zoë simply says, "Dawn," David will say, "Yes, that is Dawn, but who is she?" He will do the same with photos of his birthmother in attempts to get Zoë to say, "David’s birthmother."

I was not aware of how much of this information Zoë was truly comprehending until our Christmas visit. It had been a wonderful and loving family day, and as I was preparing to leave, Zoë’s mother, Chris, pointed to me and said, "Who is that, Zoë?" Zoë promptly replied, "You’re Dawn." Chris followed with the David-inspired "Yes, that is Dawn, but who is she?" Zoë’s reply will forever be etched in my mind as yet one more positive affirmation that my decision to place her for adoption was the best possible decision for everyone involved, most importantly, Zoë.

She gazed up at me with her crystal blue eyes and said, "You’re my birthmother." After a slight pause she added, "but you’re my friend, too," and sealed the moment with a hug and a kiss.

Dawn McLelland is birthmom to Zoë. She lives in Minnesota.

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Brenda Romanchik ~ 248-543-0997 ~ brenr@openadoptioninsight.org